Have you ever bumped into an old friend that you haven’t seen in ages and asked that four-word question that you immediately regret asking:
“how have you been?”
The minute you ask the question the other person then trots out their well-rehearsed litany of all the trials and tribulations that have beset him or her. What makes this even worse is the moment you begin to suggest solutions, the other person ignores you and ploughs on through all the reasons why their problems are insurmountable, even when you know they’re not and have experienced or know someone who’s had the same thing happen to them and dealt with it.
In the 90s there was a film called “Groundhog Day,” in which actor Bill Murray starred as a reporter who lived the same reality every day. When we live the same story every day and we think the same thoughts thousands of times a day it doesn’t take long for those thoughts to become beliefs and therefore our reality as we attach meaning to our beliefs.
Sometimes the best way to break the pattern is to ask a question that interrupts their pattern and breaks their state of mind. Sometimes just asking a question like:
“What it would be like if ……………….”
This causes the person to consider solutions and move away from the problem state.
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